Inspired by Her Mum, Woman Counsels Over 11,000 Cancer Patients & Caregivers

“My mum had gone to the hospital for a routine check-up. She came back with a late-stage cancer diagnosis,” shares Alpa Dharamshi, a counsellor who has spent over 19 years supporting cancer patients and their families.

Alpa’s mother, Meenakshi Narendra Lodaya, defied expectations after being told she had only two weeks to live. Instead, she survived a decade, showing immense mental fortitude.

“My mother was a warrior,” says Alpa. “She proved cancer is a ‘game of the mind’ by staying confident and refusing to let it define her.”

Advertisement

Meenakshi didn’t just fight her own battle; she extended her strength to others. While receiving treatment, she supported fellow patients, offering them a listening ear and emotional solace. “She became a pillar of support for many,” recalls Alpa. Inspired by her mother’s resilience, Alpa dedicated her life to helping cancer patients and their loved ones navigate their journeys.

“I will always have the guilt that I was not the primary caregiver for my mother due to personal reasons. By my mission of helping cancer patients, somewhere I’m convincing myself and doing this in remembrance of my mother,” says Alpa, who has been in the counselling field for almost two decades, helping over 10,000 families, not charging a single penny.

Specialising in areas such as palliative care, bereavement, grief counselling, suicide prevention, and geriatric mental health, Alpa leads the emotional support team at the Indian Cancer Society in Bengaluru. She regularly visits oncology wards in nine hospitals across the city. Alpa also runs a private practice, ‘Pehechaan — A mission to help identify yourself’.

The 54-year-old has been actively volunteering since 2007 with organisations like ‘Banjara Helping Hand’ and ‘Sanman Society’, supporting cancer patients and their caregivers. She also dedicates time to Karunashraya (Bangalore Hospice Trust). She provides home-based palliative care counselling to end-of-life patients under the Swami Vivekananda Youth Movement (SVYM).  

Her extensive volunteer work includes counselling for NGOs such as the ‘Dignity Foundation (supporting the elderly)’, ‘Helping Hand’, ‘Youth for Seva’, and ‘The Art of Living’, where she has worked with inmates in Bangalore Central Jail. She has also collaborated with ‘Copewithcancer – Madat Trust’ at Mumbai’s Tata Memorial Hospital.

‘Talk to them as people, not patients’

According to the National Centre for Disease Informatics and Research, one in nine people in India is likely to face a cancer diagnosis at some point in their lives. Beyond its physical toll, cancer profoundly affects mental and emotional well-being, making psychological support vital.

“Every cancer patient needs a counsellor to help them cope,” Alpa emphasises. She points out that families often withhold the diagnosis from patients, fearing they might lose the will to live. While she understands their perspective, Alpa believes patients deserve honesty to fulfil their personal and familial aspirations.

Society, she notes, often reduces individuals to their illness, overshadowing their achievements and identity. “Cancer patients are seen through a lens of pity, which is incredibly toxic. My approach is simple — talk to them as people, not patients. Often, they need someone to be there and be heard,” she explains.

Alpa says that most of the time, she and her volunteers do not mention their NGO to patients as the name gives out much information. “Only when the patient talks about cancer is when we bring up their condition,” shares Alpa.

Patients frequently witness the struggles of others in hospital wards, heightening their fear of suffering and death. “This is where support for mental health becomes crucial,” says Alpa. “I encourage my patients to leave the hospital thoughts behind once they go home. Peace of mind is essential for recovery. Each patient’s journey is unique, like our fingers. Comparing their experience to others only makes the battle harder.”

’An angel for us’

In India, societal perceptions often deter people from seeking therapy, particularly for illnesses like cancer. Alpa challenges this mindset: “People willingly seek counselling for marriage or divorce. Why not for cancer, where mental strength can be the key to a healthy fight?”

She shares that many patients and caregivers hesitate to associate with her publicly, fearing the stigma of a cancer diagnosis. “It’s heartbreaking that families worry more about societal opinions than the patient’s well-being,” she says, adding, “Healthcare professionals should also encourage counselling for patients with terminal illness.”

Caregivers primarily require therapy as their journey is as challenging as the one with a physical illness. The pressure of providing the proper care for the patient, financial struggle, etc, also takes a toll on them.

Ketan Shah, a client of Alpa, shares how she was a pillar of support for the entire family when his mother was battling with Stage 3 pancreatic cancer. “She was an angel for us, guiding us throughout, providing us with resources, and checking on us even after the passing of my mother.”

“Alpa ma’am also helped us when my father was battling a prolonged illness and during the final days of my elder brother, who was mentally challenged. Every time I called her during tough times, despite the hour, she always made sure that we had clarity and felt at peace after the conversation.” Ketan is grateful for what Alpa has done and continues to stay in touch with her.

Many patients ask “Why me?” after their diagnosis. Alpa encourages them to instead say, “Try me!” 

Drawing from her own experiences, Alpa also believes emotions can correlate with certain illnesses. “For instance, I’ve observed many breast cancer patients have unresolved ‘mothering’ issues — either with their mothers or their children. While I respect medical science, my work has broadened my perspective,” she reflects.

Encouraging empathy

Fluent in seven languages — Hindi, Kannada, Tamil, to name a few — and sign language, Alpa ensures her counselling is accessible to a diverse group of patients. “I once worked with a deaf and mute woman who was worried about losing her long hair to chemotherapy. Using simple actions, I was able to address her concerns. Unfortunately, many government hospitals lack resources for such communication needs,” she shares.

Highlighting communication, Alpa says, “There is no requirement of language for counselling.” Most patients want to say a few words and be heard, which the doctor needs more time to listen to. 

As a member of the International Death Doula Foundation, Alpa helps people arrange their final rituals once they have passed away. “It is not easy to work in end-of-life counselling as loss and grief become our primary emotions. Once, a patient asked me to attend her funeral and be a shoulder to cry on for her mother, who was also battling cancer. I participated in the funeral, which is never easy,” Alpa shares.

“Initially, I was struggling to handle the loss. Now, with my mentors’ advice, I can switch pretty quickly. I have provided counselling in the ICU as loneliness hits bad and people have passed away while talking to me. I always have a clear mind when I enter my home. It’s almost like switching on and off!” she shares.

In 2018, Alpa shaved her hair, making it easier for chemotherapy patients to have an open conversation. “Patients knew that only another bald person could empathise with them.” She started wearing wigs to encourage people to wear wigs while taking sessions and workshops for her students at Pehechaan.

Today, through Alpa’s works, she is an inspiration to many. Rashmi Shah, a commerce graduate, developed an interest in counselling and therapy because of Alpa. “Ma’am’s work greatly inspired me, and I started volunteering with her in ICS. The way she handles distress is truly commendable,” shares Rashmi.

“Ma’am always left the patients with a smile. Her passion towards counselling is immense which is deeply reflected in her work,” quotes Rashmi. She now holds a PhD, and her practice is called ‘Sahara’s — a Ray of hope’, where she inspires others to help cancer patients through counselling.

For more details, visit here.

Edited by Arunava Banerjee; All images courtesy Alpa Dharamshi

Source link